![]() ![]() Admittedly, defending a sequel that has 25% on Rotten Tomatoes might sound like a fool’s errand but hear me out. It has the potential to be a creature feature favorite, but its filmmakers are trapped between wanting to make audiences laugh or scream, which means all their snake film can get is groans and an occasional off-screen hiss.The 1997 all-star reptile rampage Anaconda was a movie notable for an early career appearance from J-Lo, a dicey Paraguayan accent from Jon Voight, and, let’s face it, not much else. It’s so overdone that it’s not even interesting anymore.Īnaconda came a few decades too late and a few elements too short of being a film audiences could enjoy. And of course there’s the money-hungry poacher, Paul, who messes them all up. A group of innocent explorers are trapped in an exotic location by an animal they simply wanted to film or didn’t know existed at all. As for the plot, Anaconda is nothing a classic horror fan hasn’t seen before. The 1960s had better giant animals, if only because they created them the hard way - projections behind actors - instead of relying on primitive animation that attempts to shock but only incurs laughter. Whether that makes up for very white Voigt sporting a Latino accent is another question, of course, but at least there’s a diverse set of heroes rather than the usual (in fact, Stoltz sits out for most of the film thanks to that pesky hornet in his scuba tank).Īs for the rest of the film, the effects of a giant snake shouldn’t be so foreign to 1997’s filmmakers that they’re this bad. Terri and Danny end up saving the day, an oddity in a Hollywood dominated by white male protagonists. Where Anaconda does succeed, however, is in its diversity. Meanwhile, Wilson doesn’t stretch very far, J-Lo can’t stretch at all and Ice Cube is the only cast member worth watching because he plays himself - pissed off but smarter than the rest. Voigt, whose previous work included classics like Midnight Cowboy finds his albatross (or, rather, anaconda) with this picture as the obvious villain. In that kind of limbo, audiences can’t find one thing to pick on, be it the acting (again, see cast list), tacky-even-for-1997 effects or simply awful plotline. Instead, Anaconda is such a travesty of a film that takes itself a little too seriously to be a satire but not seriously enough to be a joke. In fact, it’s not even on the same keel as the classic 1950s giant-animal movies that entertained solely through their despicableness. Lopez, Ice Cube, Jon Voigt and Owen Wilson all in the same movie should be a danger sign: Anaconda is not a masterpiece. Soon, Paul has them going deep into the jungle as he tricks them into helping him find a giant anaconda that he believes will bring in the cash. Although some on the trip, such as Owen Wilson’s why-are-you-here crewmember, are easily tricked into the plan, while cooler heads belonging to Terri (Jennifer Lopez) and Danny (Ice Cube) aren’t as easily swayed. While on their journey, they find a shipwrecked Paul Serone (Jon Voigt), whose knowledge of the river helps after the leader (Eric Stoltz) is stung by a hornet. ![]() I know.” – Paul Serone (Jon Voigt)Īnaconda is such a bad movie that it can’t even be classified as a “so bad it’s good” flick.įollowing the typical creature-feature formula, the film tells the story of a group of Natural Geographic-style documentarians traveling down an Amazonian river to find a native tribe never before filmed. “ Never look in the eyes, of those you kill.
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